Judging, and Being Judged

So, here’s the thing… we live in a world where we all try to be people pleasers because the matter of the fact is, we hate when people don't like us. Most of us won’t admit it or pretend we don't care, but in reality, it bothers us when we find out someone dislikes us. I’m sure there are people who genuinely don't care. But for me if I want to be honest with myself, and to others, it digs away at me when I find out someone dislikes me. Should I care? Probably not… but I really do.

Let it just be known that we live in a society where people have different views, opinions, goals, and lifestyles. Therefore, not everyone is going to click with each other. That being said it's a given that people are going to disagree and have certain feelings towards one another. From my personal experience I particularly have had trouble with other females. And I’m sure if I were a guy, I would probably have my most trouble with other males. As we go through life we want to be the best at everything. Have the best clothes, be the prettiest, the most athletic, have the best grades and so on. And I think that's where most of the underlying “hate” or dislike comes from. We are often competing to be the best and prove to others that we are better. Does it make sense? Not really… but if you think about it, one of the core principles of dislike is jealousy. Obviously, there are other reasons for dislike but from my experience, jealousy is high on the dislike radar. I also want to recognize that we have all made mistakes in our lives that give others a reason to not like us, it’s inevitable. However, being able to recognize that you made that mistake and learn from it is key.

It’s significant to understand that we personally are also to blame for this. We do the very thing we hate the most that is done to us. We dislike people for various reasons ourselves. Once again, probably due to jealousy. Maybe you despise your ex’s new girlfriend, or maybe you hate that guy in your class who always is getting 98’s and above, or maybe even you hate the girl at the gym who has the most perfect body. But what did they ever do to you? Did that guy in your class ever disrespect you by working hard to get his grades? Did that girl at the gym ever do anything besides trying to better herself? We all need to take a step back and try and suppress our judgments due to jealousy. And trust me I know it’s hard because half the time we are doing it we don't even notice it. Judgment becomes so natural to us it becomes part of our daily thoughts. I will be the first one to admit that I judge people. Do I want to… hell no! Does it happen without me even realizing it? Absolutely. I’m not saying I’m proud of it because I’m not. But I’m also not going to lie and pretend that I don't fall under this category. However, I do try my hardest after realizing I’m making a judgment to appreciate the fact that these people are also only human and trying their hardest to better themselves or just make themselves happy. The other day I saw a girl walking downtown in 30 degrees with a crop top on and my instant reaction was… “Wtf is she doing... does she think that's cute?” Terrible right? But once I realized I was making a judgment, I tried to look at her perspective. Maybe she is finally comfortable in her own skin and wanted to show her body off without carrying a jacket around all night. Or maybe all her friends have these really cool outfits and she just wants to fit in with them. Or maybe she just really likes the way she looks in it. I know for a fact that when I was in college I did the same thing and locals would yell out the car “put some clothes on”. I was not naked. no… but was I wearing a crop top in the dead of winter walking to a house party. These individuals did not know anything about me when they yelled that. But it for sure stuck with me for the rest of the night. My point here is I have been judged for the same thing I have judged others on. I’m sure some of you have had similar experiences.

So now, how do we fix this? Or how do we come to terms with others disliking us? It’s not simple, not at all. One of the most important things to realize is that you can’t dwell on something that is out of your control. Other people’s emotions and feelings are completely out of your control so stop trying to fix it. Be the bigger person and accept that the individual doesn't like you and move on with your life. Realize that you judging others or disliking others for no specific reason is just as hurtful than someone disliking you for no reason.

Guidelines to how I came to terms with people who don't like me:

1.     Don't be a people pleaser, be honest with who you are

2.     Be the bigger person and accept that not everyone will like you

3.     Try to recognize your own judgments towards others

4.     Instead of trying to build a relationship with someone who doesn't like

        you, try to better yourself

The most valid point to get out of this post is to recognize that people are going to judge and dislike us no matter what. The most beneficial thing to change these perspectives is to recognize when we are making our very own judgments and try and better ourselves from it.
                                                                                     Xo- Britt